It is almost New Year's Eve once again, and once again we hear that word "resolutions" mentioned quite often. What does it mean? It is a tradition of the holidays, part of our standard operating procedure. Generally it is somewhat of a joke. People ask jokingly "what are your New Year's Resolutions?" People respond with a joke of some sort, "I won't make it a week without...." Smoking, Picking my Nose, Cussing, Eating something I shouldn't etc. etc.
I don't remember the first time I heard this. I believe I heard about resolutions right about the same time I heard about Times Square or Fireworks. So as far as I can tell this Tongue and Cheek "tradition" has always been there.
Then there is this question. Would any of us do this if we haven't always heard about it? The answer is...Yes, of course we would. It is in our nature. Just as we do at our birthdays or, for younger people, at the beginnings of new school years, we take the beginning of a new year as an opportunity to right things that we don't feel good about. Sometimes we require the feeling of a "clean slate" to make us feel like change is possible. What the kiddies call a "do over." We often have a tough time making real changes that matter and things like the celebration of the beginning of the new year can really be that chance that someone is looking for. Unfortunately, real change is lost in all the silliness surrounding New Year's Resolutions.
I will use this year to change. I am not making any resolution to speak of. I am becoming a different person. I have, for 18 months now, been on a tremendous emotional journey and I am not the man I once was. 18 months ago, I was scarcely a man at all. I will be different in 2008 because I have not the ability to go back to what I once was anyway. But I will use the turn to the New Year as a way to motivate myself to make real practical use of my new self.
In 2008 I will love myself. I will treat myself as if it is my sole God-appointed task to take care of me and help me to succeed. I will not listen to discouragement disguised as advice, given to me by people whom I do not respect. I will not let them hurt me simply because they are trying to protect themselves. I will respect my education and my talents and I will use them in the pursuit of art and of a satisfying life. I will not listen to those who try to tell me that it is not right. I will love my wife, the only person who has ever said they loved me who has truly, honestly, selflessly and devotedly loved me. I will love her every moment of every day and I will love her selflessly, how she wants and needs to be loved, not how I want to. I will listen to truth. I will listen to what I know is right. I will not listen to years and years of programmed nonsense disguised as values. Work ethic and love of family are coded messages meaning don't risk, don't try and don't get hurt. In 2008 I will be in action. I will go forward not back. I will seek and not hide. I will find new friends that think the way I do, and who have goals and dreams, not hobbies and fantasies. I will pray and bring my inner self to peace for the first time in 32 years.
But most of all, I will respect myself.
-Tom
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Something about Christmas
Something has happened in recent years that is somewhat troubling. I have found that it can be incredibly easy to let most of the Christmas season go by unnoticed. I remember when Christmas didn't start in the Malls and Stores until December, but for me it started before Thanksgiving. Now, in the Stores, Christmas starts in early December, and I can't seem to get it going until a week before the day.
When I was in College, I just had to get through exams and then it was Christmas in all of its Yule Tide glory. Since those days, it has been less and less that way. I had a Christmas in Los Angeles where I still had time to do stuff. Steph and I went to her office Christmas party and I had time to build a sort of ramshackle tree. 75 degrees on Christmas Day in Los Angeles. (May not seem like Christmas to some, but for me it was just a shade above what I am used to.)
The next two were spent while I was working a new job and wrapped around some traveling, which made it difficult. These also were the last two times that I will spend Christmas Day without Stephanie.
Last year, we were both working so much that it was hard to get any time to think about it at all. This year we are living in a hotel on the road with my company and then we will be taking a long road trip during the Holiday season.
As long as I am with my Beautiful Wife, I will truly be happy. But really, I want a house of my own, a place to call home so that I can start celebrating the whole season and not just the day in question. Thats what I am going to give myself for Christmas next year.
There is one last thing. My Amazing Wife, knowing that this is the case, has done a spectacular job at organizing our Christmas Television Classics schedule. She has really made this a great Christmas in a year where it could easily be the most forgotten of all. Thank You Steph.
-Tom
When I was in College, I just had to get through exams and then it was Christmas in all of its Yule Tide glory. Since those days, it has been less and less that way. I had a Christmas in Los Angeles where I still had time to do stuff. Steph and I went to her office Christmas party and I had time to build a sort of ramshackle tree. 75 degrees on Christmas Day in Los Angeles. (May not seem like Christmas to some, but for me it was just a shade above what I am used to.)
The next two were spent while I was working a new job and wrapped around some traveling, which made it difficult. These also were the last two times that I will spend Christmas Day without Stephanie.
Last year, we were both working so much that it was hard to get any time to think about it at all. This year we are living in a hotel on the road with my company and then we will be taking a long road trip during the Holiday season.
As long as I am with my Beautiful Wife, I will truly be happy. But really, I want a house of my own, a place to call home so that I can start celebrating the whole season and not just the day in question. Thats what I am going to give myself for Christmas next year.
There is one last thing. My Amazing Wife, knowing that this is the case, has done a spectacular job at organizing our Christmas Television Classics schedule. She has really made this a great Christmas in a year where it could easily be the most forgotten of all. Thank You Steph.
-Tom
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Searching for Tom
Once again, I find myself searching for my former self. More accurately I'm looking for the place where my true personality intersects with everything I have learned about myself recently. The truth is, I feel that I have lost a lot of ME recently. What's worse is, if asked, I don't know that I could fully describe what ME is.
I would describe my former life as everything up to the point at which I moved to California. Since that time I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned about my family, my childhood, my hopes, my fears, and many of my issues. I have looked back on my former self with these new understandings and it really blew the lid off of some things for me. Most specifically, I found that a lot of my attitudes and activities were really just obsessive distractions compensating for some a lot of fear and insecurity.
As I realized more and more that this was the case, I worked to drop more and more of these pretenses from my life. The negative result has been that I lost most of my TRUE personality and am now a very generic and bland version of my former self.
Frankly, I am very boring and depressing and I want my SELF back. The good things about me, the fun things, the passionate things, are the things I want back. I used to have energy, thats what I want back. I'm coming to get it.
These Mother------s don't know how to act....
Yeah!
-Tom
I would describe my former life as everything up to the point at which I moved to California. Since that time I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned about my family, my childhood, my hopes, my fears, and many of my issues. I have looked back on my former self with these new understandings and it really blew the lid off of some things for me. Most specifically, I found that a lot of my attitudes and activities were really just obsessive distractions compensating for some a lot of fear and insecurity.
As I realized more and more that this was the case, I worked to drop more and more of these pretenses from my life. The negative result has been that I lost most of my TRUE personality and am now a very generic and bland version of my former self.
Frankly, I am very boring and depressing and I want my SELF back. The good things about me, the fun things, the passionate things, are the things I want back. I used to have energy, thats what I want back. I'm coming to get it.
These Mother------s don't know how to act....
Yeah!
-Tom
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wii Baby
"I got it, I got it, I got a Wii! Woo!" said Stephanie. Early one morning last January I heard these words left on my voicemail by my beautiful soon-to-be bride. It has been fantastic ever since. The Wii has been every bit as revolutionary as advertised.
The coolest experience so far was at the wedding. WE had a lot of Wii fun that week. I bought Tiger Woods '07 and The Boys and I had a lot of fun.
My favorite part of Wii is the Virtual Console. This is where I can download classic games from my childhood. Ah, the wonder of Super Mario Brothers 2. I LOVED this game. We got it for 42 dollars at the Lionel Play World in Mesa Arizona. I haven't played it in well over 15 years. When I started it up, I can't believe how I remembered just how to do it. Its freaky.
Best Video Game system in History.
-T
The coolest experience so far was at the wedding. WE had a lot of Wii fun that week. I bought Tiger Woods '07 and The Boys and I had a lot of fun.
My favorite part of Wii is the Virtual Console. This is where I can download classic games from my childhood. Ah, the wonder of Super Mario Brothers 2. I LOVED this game. We got it for 42 dollars at the Lionel Play World in Mesa Arizona. I haven't played it in well over 15 years. When I started it up, I can't believe how I remembered just how to do it. Its freaky.
Best Video Game system in History.
-T
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Entertaining myself at home.
Stephanie and I have recently begun watching more movies and television shows at home. After last week's Black Friday Bonanza, Stephanie and I have a ton of new stuff to keep us occupied. In an effort to keep our entertainment spending down, we are engaging in a series of both mini and full-sized marathons. Tonight we are watching numerous episodes of The Office. We watched Star Wars a couple nights ago and are planning to watch more very soon. We are also planning to do a repeat of our 2002 Bond Marathon. One of our very first.
Some marathon's I'd like to do soon:
Six Feet Under
Dark Angel
Post Apocalyptic Movies
Complete James Bond
Director Marathons:
Martin Scorsese
Alfred Hitchcock
Paul Thomas Anderson
Francis Ford Coppala
Actor Marathons:
Paul Newman
George Clooney
Gweneth Paltrow
Some marathon's I'd like to do soon:
Six Feet Under
Dark Angel
Post Apocalyptic Movies
Complete James Bond
Director Marathons:
Martin Scorsese
Alfred Hitchcock
Paul Thomas Anderson
Francis Ford Coppala
Actor Marathons:
Paul Newman
George Clooney
Gweneth Paltrow
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I don't know how to shop for food!
When I went away to college in 1997 I discovered the magic of the meal plan. 16 meals a week plus 150 bucks worth of free money to spend at school restaurants...a.k.a. Bonus Bucks. I thought I had landed in food heaven. There was a Pizza Hut and then they added a Taco Bell and a Chik-Fil-A. There was a burger place and a sub place.It was awesome. In addition to all of that fattening junk food bliss, there was also real food. Actual cooked meats, vegetables with side dishes and appropriately portioned desserts. There was healthy food to be found, and made easy. For me, eating healthy was as simple as getting in the right line. That was a big help. I won't pretend that I didn't eat a ton of Taco Bell food and personal Pizzas. I certainly did, but I also ate some good regular meals.
Then reality set in. I graduated. I moved to Los Angeles where I had little to no money at all. When Ralph's had frozen dinners on sale for a dollar a piece. I bought about 30 of them. I also started working at The Greatest Fast Food Place on Earth and a delicious part of my compensation package was one free Double Double and Fries every day. Every day for about 7 months. From here on my diet has been a constant struggle.
But heres the point to the whole thing. It's not like I got spoiled in college on having my meals just magically appear, and then forgot what I used to know. I NEVER knew how to do this. I lived with my parents before this and the food just magically appeared there too. Never out of Hot Pockets or the ever delicious and easy to eat right out of the carton Lloyds Barbeque Mmmm. Healthy.
I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea how to eat right. I have no idea how to shop effectively. No one ever taught me. No one ever showed me. Whats worse, when worse came to worse and I had to teach myself......I took the easy way and refused to learn. By eating out or eating cheapies from the grocery store. Ramen noodles and 3 for a dollar frozen burritos for example. Taking the easy way out is an important issue for another blog. Being able to focus and pay attention when my wife is showing me how to shop healthy and effectively is another.
Once again I find myself in a place where I want to reclaim some power for myself. Now is the time.
-T
Then reality set in. I graduated. I moved to Los Angeles where I had little to no money at all. When Ralph's had frozen dinners on sale for a dollar a piece. I bought about 30 of them. I also started working at The Greatest Fast Food Place on Earth and a delicious part of my compensation package was one free Double Double and Fries every day. Every day for about 7 months. From here on my diet has been a constant struggle.
But heres the point to the whole thing. It's not like I got spoiled in college on having my meals just magically appear, and then forgot what I used to know. I NEVER knew how to do this. I lived with my parents before this and the food just magically appeared there too. Never out of Hot Pockets or the ever delicious and easy to eat right out of the carton Lloyds Barbeque Mmmm. Healthy.
I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea how to eat right. I have no idea how to shop effectively. No one ever taught me. No one ever showed me. Whats worse, when worse came to worse and I had to teach myself......I took the easy way and refused to learn. By eating out or eating cheapies from the grocery store. Ramen noodles and 3 for a dollar frozen burritos for example. Taking the easy way out is an important issue for another blog. Being able to focus and pay attention when my wife is showing me how to shop healthy and effectively is another.
Once again I find myself in a place where I want to reclaim some power for myself. Now is the time.
-T
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
A Sad Day
Early this morning Washington Redskins Definsive Back Sean Taylor died from a shooting on Sunday Night. I heard about the shooting yesterday and saw he was in a coma. He was clearly listed in critical condition, and certainly a coma is pretty darned serious. Yet when I heard the news this morning that he had died, I was shocked.
He was 24 years old and unbelievable talent. He was also "troubled" to be diplomatic. Which is to say he'd been in trouble with the law and had been of questionable character. That means people called him a thug. Myself included. When he was drafted by the Redskins I did something that I hate. I turned a blind eye to what I thought about him in exchange for his incredible skills on my team. The truth is, the NFL is a second-rate league to me and I wouldn't have done that if he was a Gamecock or a Dodgers. That doesn't make it any better that I did that.
A DUI and Felony Armed Assault Charges were part of his resume. I and everyone I know thought he was a thug.
Friends say that recently he had really turned his life around following the birth of his daughter. But most of us didn't know or care to find out. Easier to just say "Nice pick, Thug."
And now he is dead. Shot by an intruder in his home with his girlfriend and their daughter in the house. And I hope that I am not the only one who will turn away from calling him a low-life. Maybe its random, maybe its something from his past life that came back to haunt him. I don't know. He was just barely a man. He was incredibly gifted. Just like that...gone. As are many years to come of football excellence. Years spent with his daughter and family. Years to become as good a man as he could.
I don't usually get too involved with these sorts of newsworthy tragedies, but this is painful and sad.
Good Luck and Godspeed Sean.
...Hurricanes!
-Tom
He was 24 years old and unbelievable talent. He was also "troubled" to be diplomatic. Which is to say he'd been in trouble with the law and had been of questionable character. That means people called him a thug. Myself included. When he was drafted by the Redskins I did something that I hate. I turned a blind eye to what I thought about him in exchange for his incredible skills on my team. The truth is, the NFL is a second-rate league to me and I wouldn't have done that if he was a Gamecock or a Dodgers. That doesn't make it any better that I did that.
A DUI and Felony Armed Assault Charges were part of his resume. I and everyone I know thought he was a thug.
Friends say that recently he had really turned his life around following the birth of his daughter. But most of us didn't know or care to find out. Easier to just say "Nice pick, Thug."
And now he is dead. Shot by an intruder in his home with his girlfriend and their daughter in the house. And I hope that I am not the only one who will turn away from calling him a low-life. Maybe its random, maybe its something from his past life that came back to haunt him. I don't know. He was just barely a man. He was incredibly gifted. Just like that...gone. As are many years to come of football excellence. Years spent with his daughter and family. Years to become as good a man as he could.
I don't usually get too involved with these sorts of newsworthy tragedies, but this is painful and sad.
Good Luck and Godspeed Sean.
...Hurricanes!
-Tom
Monday, November 26, 2007
A well needed long weekend.
I have to be honest. I needed a break. From what? I don't know. But the First week that we were here was a tough adjustment to make. Doing some real work. Back to the middle of a job instead of near the end like I was in New Jersey. Pushed right into the middle of it, I had to get my bearings. It took me a while. So a 5 day weekend, starting with Thanksgiving Day was just what the doctor ordered.
Thanksgiving at Medieval Times, Friday at the Mall, Saturday a quick trip up and back to New Jersey, Sunday Pancakes at IHOP and a lot of lying around. Monday (base closed) more lying around and a lot of relaxing.
Back to work tomorrow. A lot to do in a short time. But its nice to have a good project to work on. So, unbelievably, I'm kind of excited to get back to it tomorrow. Weird.
-T
Thanksgiving at Medieval Times, Friday at the Mall, Saturday a quick trip up and back to New Jersey, Sunday Pancakes at IHOP and a lot of lying around. Monday (base closed) more lying around and a lot of relaxing.
Back to work tomorrow. A lot to do in a short time. But its nice to have a good project to work on. So, unbelievably, I'm kind of excited to get back to it tomorrow. Weird.
-T
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Housebreaking....that Darned D
So I haven't done very well with getting Johnny Drama housebroken. Its been tricky as we have been moving a lot. But really its just an excuse. I have been lazy for a couple of reasons. First because his little poops and pees are so small and tiny that they don't seem to cause much problem. Even the pee is easy to clean since its like a thimble full. The second reason is just that I am lazy.
When we got Sonny, I didn't have a dog yet so I knew that I was going to have to do this. And I told Stephanie that I would do whatever it would take. I did a pretty good job I'd say. Well...We did have to pay for the carpet to be replaced at our apartment in Sherman Oaks, so I don't know how good it was. Somewhere after that, he really became a very good dog. He has had "accidents" on only the most rare of occasions. The thing is though, I have become pretty darned used to having a trained dog. So when I got a new dog, I really wasn't ready for the potty training.
So I haven't done a great job. I have managed to get him to pee and poop in acceptable places indoors. Which means on the puppy pad or on the bathroom floor. Actually, he gets in the tub and pees. Which I thought was great and encouraged a lot. I figured maybe I'll never have to walk him again. But its not good for him or me.
So Steph got us a new book. The Loved Dog by Tamar Gellar. And I am rededicated to training my puppy as well as teaching my slightly older, but still young dog some new tricks. So we will be dealing with some whining and some crying over the next week or so, but I think it will be worth it.
I love Dogs.
-T
When we got Sonny, I didn't have a dog yet so I knew that I was going to have to do this. And I told Stephanie that I would do whatever it would take. I did a pretty good job I'd say. Well...We did have to pay for the carpet to be replaced at our apartment in Sherman Oaks, so I don't know how good it was. Somewhere after that, he really became a very good dog. He has had "accidents" on only the most rare of occasions. The thing is though, I have become pretty darned used to having a trained dog. So when I got a new dog, I really wasn't ready for the potty training.
So I haven't done a great job. I have managed to get him to pee and poop in acceptable places indoors. Which means on the puppy pad or on the bathroom floor. Actually, he gets in the tub and pees. Which I thought was great and encouraged a lot. I figured maybe I'll never have to walk him again. But its not good for him or me.
So Steph got us a new book. The Loved Dog by Tamar Gellar. And I am rededicated to training my puppy as well as teaching my slightly older, but still young dog some new tricks. So we will be dealing with some whining and some crying over the next week or so, but I think it will be worth it.
I love Dogs.
-T
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Arrrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhh
I can't take it anymore. Errrr. 23-21 Clemson beats Carolina. I have been dealing with this for what seems like forever. We win one. We lose two. We win one. We lose one. We win one. We lose two. I don't know. We should have won this game tonight. Seriously! The problem I have is that year after year after year, we are better than them. I mean it. We are always better than them and we always manage to lose.
Now, on a personal note. I am handling this loss a lot better than I thought. I am moving on finally and I have better things in my life. Therefore it doesn't hurt. I am doing alright.
My name is Tom and I'm a sportsoholic. Its been 2 months since I last threw something at my television.
-Tom
Now, on a personal note. I am handling this loss a lot better than I thought. I am moving on finally and I have better things in my life. Therefore it doesn't hurt. I am doing alright.
My name is Tom and I'm a sportsoholic. Its been 2 months since I last threw something at my television.
-Tom
Friday, November 23, 2007
Black Friday!
Sometime back I heard the term Black Friday. It was funny term that retailers used amongst themselves as the day that all the crazy shoppers come screaming to the stores to get in their Christmas shopping. Little by little, the term has gotten out to everyone else and has become pretty common. The weird thing is that its apparently so common, that the stores are calling it that in their advertisements. Now this seems a bit much to me.
First off Stores...lets not pretend that you hate this day. If anything its Green Friday or This will keep us going for all of next year Friday. I guess its working though. The shoppers seem to act like the hate it too. But they all do it. A special day when shoppers and retailers all grumble together.
...Interesting.
The way I see it is like this. And to paraphrase the great General Bethlehem would say...You want Black Friday? I'll....give you.... Black Friday!
So Stephanie and I ventured out on this day for no other reason than to chuckle at the hilarity of it all. We go out with no shopping agenda at all and therefore have no stress.
A funny thing happened today however. We got to Best Buy and started finding some really good deals. Oh...Don't worry. It wasn't about Christmas shopping. It was about picking up some long desired DVD sets for both of us.
Specifically
Six Feet Under Complete Series for 114 bucks
Dark Angel Complete Series for 40 bucks
The Ultimate James Bond Collection all 21 movies for 90 bucks
Holy Crap! Awesome.
We did pick up a couple of gifts at that point, what the heck right? As long as we stayed true and kept this day all about us. December is for Christmas diggity doggonit. Black Friday is for Pirates...arrrrrgh. And we came home with the Booty.
Peace
-T
First off Stores...lets not pretend that you hate this day. If anything its Green Friday or This will keep us going for all of next year Friday. I guess its working though. The shoppers seem to act like the hate it too. But they all do it. A special day when shoppers and retailers all grumble together.
...Interesting.
The way I see it is like this. And to paraphrase the great General Bethlehem would say...You want Black Friday? I'll....give you.... Black Friday!
So Stephanie and I ventured out on this day for no other reason than to chuckle at the hilarity of it all. We go out with no shopping agenda at all and therefore have no stress.
A funny thing happened today however. We got to Best Buy and started finding some really good deals. Oh...Don't worry. It wasn't about Christmas shopping. It was about picking up some long desired DVD sets for both of us.
Specifically
Six Feet Under Complete Series for 114 bucks
Dark Angel Complete Series for 40 bucks
The Ultimate James Bond Collection all 21 movies for 90 bucks
Holy Crap! Awesome.
We did pick up a couple of gifts at that point, what the heck right? As long as we stayed true and kept this day all about us. December is for Christmas diggity doggonit. Black Friday is for Pirates...arrrrrgh. And we came home with the Booty.
Peace
-T
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thanksgiving Day
Thanksgiving Day 2007. Stephanie and I looking to make it a memorable day and I think we found it. We went to Medieval Times for dinner. It was awesome. I don't know if its quite what the Pilgrims had in mind, but a little bit of Jousting for Thanksgiving never hurt anyone.
It was our first Married Thanksgiving, and it was great to spend it alone. With just each others and of course our pups.
I am thankful for a lot this year, but there is really only one thing on my mind. My beautiful wife Stephanie I am thankful that we were married. I am thankful that we had such a beautiful wedding. I am thankful that we have a great future planned. I am thankful for all the days we get to spend together. I am thankful for the awesome adventures that we have coming. It is, without a doubt, my best Thanksgiving so far.
Ok, I'm thankful for Star Wars for the 30th year in a row.
-Tom
It was our first Married Thanksgiving, and it was great to spend it alone. With just each others and of course our pups.
I am thankful for a lot this year, but there is really only one thing on my mind. My beautiful wife Stephanie I am thankful that we were married. I am thankful that we had such a beautiful wedding. I am thankful that we have a great future planned. I am thankful for all the days we get to spend together. I am thankful for the awesome adventures that we have coming. It is, without a doubt, my best Thanksgiving so far.
Ok, I'm thankful for Star Wars for the 30th year in a row.
-Tom
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Starting to Peter out
I have to be honest. I don't want to write this blog. But I said I was going to do it every single night in November. So hear I am. Really two nights in a row with nothing or little to write about.
I spent 3 hours today in a 3 ft crawl space in and attic above a guard shack at the entrance of a National Guard installation in Northern Maryland. At one point, I took a little break and laid back on the plank of wood that was keeping me from falling through the ceiling. I looked up and thought "how did this happen?" Weird. But, its cool. Years from now Steph and I and our kids might ride by there and I can say hey, Daddy mounted all the security in that weird little building there. Yay!
What else?
I really want to make a short Star Wars fan film. I don't know why. It just seems awesome for some reason. What would it be about? I'm not sure. Hmmm. I really just want to see myself with a lightsaber. In theory I can get it done with my computer if the little hamster that runs on a wheel inside it can hold out. Time for a new laptop.
Oh crap. Its 3 minutes til midnight. Better post this thing.
Happy Turkey Day everyone.
Peace
-T
I spent 3 hours today in a 3 ft crawl space in and attic above a guard shack at the entrance of a National Guard installation in Northern Maryland. At one point, I took a little break and laid back on the plank of wood that was keeping me from falling through the ceiling. I looked up and thought "how did this happen?" Weird. But, its cool. Years from now Steph and I and our kids might ride by there and I can say hey, Daddy mounted all the security in that weird little building there. Yay!
What else?
I really want to make a short Star Wars fan film. I don't know why. It just seems awesome for some reason. What would it be about? I'm not sure. Hmmm. I really just want to see myself with a lightsaber. In theory I can get it done with my computer if the little hamster that runs on a wheel inside it can hold out. Time for a new laptop.
Oh crap. Its 3 minutes til midnight. Better post this thing.
Happy Turkey Day everyone.
Peace
-T
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Blog about Dogs
I have been trying to think about what to write tonight. I thought of a few things. The premiere of Frank TV, and how it means I won't have to see those commercials anymore. My job and how its still going fine. How it makes me mad that that some people still think that Southerners use Y'all to refer to just one person. None of these things seemed very good.
And there is a million different Peter Griffin "What Really Grinds My Gears" kind of blogs I could write.....But I hate blogs like that.
So I decided to write about my dogs. A little girly perhaps, but so what? My little dudes are laying on the couch next to me right now. They are being very restful, which is nice. A little while ago they were fighting over Bobos. Sonny has a big stuffed Petsmart Bobo toy and Johnny Drama has a little Drama sized one. They eventually decided they weren't interested....for now.
So they will rest here for awhile. Saving their precious energy until bedtime when they will wait for the lights to go out before beginning their battle for under-the-covers positioning.
They're good ole' dogs.
-T
And there is a million different Peter Griffin "What Really Grinds My Gears" kind of blogs I could write.....But I hate blogs like that.
So I decided to write about my dogs. A little girly perhaps, but so what? My little dudes are laying on the couch next to me right now. They are being very restful, which is nice. A little while ago they were fighting over Bobos. Sonny has a big stuffed Petsmart Bobo toy and Johnny Drama has a little Drama sized one. They eventually decided they weren't interested....for now.
So they will rest here for awhile. Saving their precious energy until bedtime when they will wait for the lights to go out before beginning their battle for under-the-covers positioning.
They're good ole' dogs.
-T
Monday, November 19, 2007
Think Win Win
First let me say right out in front that this comes from Steven Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Which is an incredible book, that can really make a difference in people's lives.
The 4th Habit is what Covey calls Think Win Win. While all the habits are incredible, this is one I think about quite a bit. He says there are four possible outcomes to any conflict. Win Win. Win Lose. Lose Win and Lose Lose. Read this book. Seriously, its incredible. I won't try to explain it anymore. The point is, however, that Win Win is the best possible outcome for all involved.
Conflicts big and small happen all the time. Most people, it seems, are always fighting to secure a win for themselves with only that in mind. But with that attitude, it ensures that someone loses. These same people seem to spend most of their time complaining about both their recent losses as well as their narrow victories over people who tried to screw them.
An easy example I can think of is Driving. It seems many people look at driving as series of little conflicts. And the if you can win as many as possible you will somehow get to work sooner. When they see someone getting in front of them, the scream at them and then speed up to try to prevent this. What happens here is that one of the two people in this scenario will lose. Then that person will try even harder to win the next conflict. This eventually results in the roughly 45,000 automobile related fatalities every year.
People scoff at the "we can make the world a better place" theory. Mostly they think no one will try it, so they don't try. Also, people think it depends on making big sacrifices to let someone else win. But here, you can look at life from an everyone wins philosophy. Work to make that happen and guess what.....Everybody wins.
No one will buy this. I know they won't. If I tried to tell someone, they would basically ignore me because they would think I am telling them to let someone else win. Which means they lose. I don't understand why people see everything in life as somebody wins and somebody loses. Its really sad. This is one of the deepest and most pervasive problems in our society today. We can all succeed and we can all be successful. But no one will risk it.
The sneaky little secret is that you are SUPPOSED to want to win. Helping the other fella win along with you, just makes you a great person. Plus it helps you out down the road too.
What do I know though....Read the book.
-T
The 4th Habit is what Covey calls Think Win Win. While all the habits are incredible, this is one I think about quite a bit. He says there are four possible outcomes to any conflict. Win Win. Win Lose. Lose Win and Lose Lose. Read this book. Seriously, its incredible. I won't try to explain it anymore. The point is, however, that Win Win is the best possible outcome for all involved.
Conflicts big and small happen all the time. Most people, it seems, are always fighting to secure a win for themselves with only that in mind. But with that attitude, it ensures that someone loses. These same people seem to spend most of their time complaining about both their recent losses as well as their narrow victories over people who tried to screw them.
An easy example I can think of is Driving. It seems many people look at driving as series of little conflicts. And the if you can win as many as possible you will somehow get to work sooner. When they see someone getting in front of them, the scream at them and then speed up to try to prevent this. What happens here is that one of the two people in this scenario will lose. Then that person will try even harder to win the next conflict. This eventually results in the roughly 45,000 automobile related fatalities every year.
People scoff at the "we can make the world a better place" theory. Mostly they think no one will try it, so they don't try. Also, people think it depends on making big sacrifices to let someone else win. But here, you can look at life from an everyone wins philosophy. Work to make that happen and guess what.....Everybody wins.
No one will buy this. I know they won't. If I tried to tell someone, they would basically ignore me because they would think I am telling them to let someone else win. Which means they lose. I don't understand why people see everything in life as somebody wins and somebody loses. Its really sad. This is one of the deepest and most pervasive problems in our society today. We can all succeed and we can all be successful. But no one will risk it.
The sneaky little secret is that you are SUPPOSED to want to win. Helping the other fella win along with you, just makes you a great person. Plus it helps you out down the road too.
What do I know though....Read the book.
-T
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Best Show on Television?
Since 1999, this was an easy question to answer. The Sopranos. But now that we live in a Post Cut-to-Black world, what show will come in to fill the void? I have sampled quite a few in the past year looking for the one.
What I discovered is that TV looks a lot like the Sopranos. In 1999, shows were still very episodic. ER was the number one show on TV, and while it certainly had a lot of ongoing plot lines, it still worked very well from week to week. You could miss a week or two or four and still enjoy an episode.
In 2007, the shows people are talking about aren't episodic at all. Heroes, Prison Break, Lost, are all huge. Here are shows that if you miss an episode, you might as well quit for the year and start over on DVD. The Sopranos effect is very clear.
Add to that the advent of the DVR, which allowed people an even better chance to not miss their shows.
The problem is these shows just aren't as good as the Sopranos. Well, I guess thats not fair. But they just don't quite do it for me.
I don't know. I have pared down my TV watching to basically no shows. With the Writers Strike having already put and end to the Office for the foreseeable future, it leaves only one show.
How I Met Your Mother.
This show is the best show on Television. Seriously. I'll say this. Its the funniest comedy I have ever seen. Not saying the Best show that could be called a Comedy, but it is the FUNNIEST.
The best part is the continuity. Little details in one episode that come back in big ways in later episodes. It makes for great re-watching of old episodes on DVD.
So as I see it, and for as long as we still have new episodes still being aired. A little show Steph and I just call HIMYM will be the official Tom's favorite show.
-T
What I discovered is that TV looks a lot like the Sopranos. In 1999, shows were still very episodic. ER was the number one show on TV, and while it certainly had a lot of ongoing plot lines, it still worked very well from week to week. You could miss a week or two or four and still enjoy an episode.
In 2007, the shows people are talking about aren't episodic at all. Heroes, Prison Break, Lost, are all huge. Here are shows that if you miss an episode, you might as well quit for the year and start over on DVD. The Sopranos effect is very clear.
Add to that the advent of the DVR, which allowed people an even better chance to not miss their shows.
The problem is these shows just aren't as good as the Sopranos. Well, I guess thats not fair. But they just don't quite do it for me.
I don't know. I have pared down my TV watching to basically no shows. With the Writers Strike having already put and end to the Office for the foreseeable future, it leaves only one show.
How I Met Your Mother.
This show is the best show on Television. Seriously. I'll say this. Its the funniest comedy I have ever seen. Not saying the Best show that could be called a Comedy, but it is the FUNNIEST.
The best part is the continuity. Little details in one episode that come back in big ways in later episodes. It makes for great re-watching of old episodes on DVD.
So as I see it, and for as long as we still have new episodes still being aired. A little show Steph and I just call HIMYM will be the official Tom's favorite show.
-T
Saturday, November 17, 2007
First Day off in Baltimore
So theres no football today. Well, there's football today. The Gamecocks, for the first time this year, are off. So with no painful loss to wait for all day, what else to do?
Turns out. Not much. Steph and I spent the day discussing our lives and future. It wasn't a lot of fun really but it was pretty helpful.
I want to go to school to get my PhD. Its something I have wanted for a long time but wasn't sure if I should or not. I don't want to give up on my film making dreams, but I also really think I'd love to teach film studies to college kids.
We talked a lot about my job and our living arrangements. Which aren't great. Living in a hotel kind of sucks. The last hotel was pretty nice. More like little apartments. This hotel is like a regular hotel. It does have a separate bedroom which is sort of nice. It will be good because I can go to bed early if I need to.
We talked about Babies. How they are cute and cuddly and a very manly thing to want. I really can't wait.
Then we went to the Super Walmart. This should have been great. We haven't had the greatness that is Super Walmart in a couple of years. Apparently the people here haven't had one in a while either because everyone in North East Maryland was there. Also, there is that new "Christmas starts on November 1st" policy to consider. So there were about 10,000 Last Minute Shoppers to deal with. Not much fun.
So now to settle down with a little Friends Mini-Marathon before bed. A long day, but tomorrow will be a great one.
-Tom
Turns out. Not much. Steph and I spent the day discussing our lives and future. It wasn't a lot of fun really but it was pretty helpful.
I want to go to school to get my PhD. Its something I have wanted for a long time but wasn't sure if I should or not. I don't want to give up on my film making dreams, but I also really think I'd love to teach film studies to college kids.
We talked a lot about my job and our living arrangements. Which aren't great. Living in a hotel kind of sucks. The last hotel was pretty nice. More like little apartments. This hotel is like a regular hotel. It does have a separate bedroom which is sort of nice. It will be good because I can go to bed early if I need to.
We talked about Babies. How they are cute and cuddly and a very manly thing to want. I really can't wait.
Then we went to the Super Walmart. This should have been great. We haven't had the greatness that is Super Walmart in a couple of years. Apparently the people here haven't had one in a while either because everyone in North East Maryland was there. Also, there is that new "Christmas starts on November 1st" policy to consider. So there were about 10,000 Last Minute Shoppers to deal with. Not much fun.
So now to settle down with a little Friends Mini-Marathon before bed. A long day, but tomorrow will be a great one.
-Tom
Friday, November 16, 2007
Friday Night in B-More
So a week, or most of a week, has gone by and the weekend is finally here. So what to do? Its Friday Night.....Right?
So Steph and I decided to do up Baltimore Steph and Tom style.
Dominoes Pizza and DVDs.
So, you might call us wimps or old or no fun or something like that.
But we've been to 44 states in the last 5 years. What have you done?
-T
Also. I love my wife. And pizza and Friends with her is better than anything out on the town.
So Steph and I decided to do up Baltimore Steph and Tom style.
Dominoes Pizza and DVDs.
So, you might call us wimps or old or no fun or something like that.
But we've been to 44 states in the last 5 years. What have you done?
-T
Also. I love my wife. And pizza and Friends with her is better than anything out on the town.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
A Day Long Remembered
If you scroll down this blog a little bit, you will find at least a few posts on the topic of Barry Bonds and steroids. Today we get an answer to a very big question. Not will Barry Bonds be indicted. The question is will we ever get undeniable proof of what we already know?
The answer would seem to be Yes. As the Feds have positive drug tests for Barry Bonds. They have the test!
It doesn't make any difference if he is convicted on Perjury and/or Obstruction of Justice charges. Even if he is exonerated of that, we still have the test and testimony that he did cheat.
Now, this doesn't really do much for me. I have eyes, so I can see whats true without having to be told. My hope, however, is that this will call out the Pro-Bonds crowd for what they are. Phonies. They pretend that they support him on some sort of Innocent-until-proven-guilty sort of level. The truth is they don't have the guts to fight for integrity. The support the cheaters.
I don't want to say its because they are liars or cheaters in their own personal lives...but....well...
Where are you now? Phonies. Where is the "He's never failed a test crowd?" mmm...hmm
I see a lot of people saying "This is a sad day for Baseball" It is NOT. This is a Glorious Day for Baseball. Its a day straight out of over-the-top, over-dramatic school for the touchy feely. A day that would make Jefferson Smith very proud. Its a day when Truth and Right prevailed and evil is vanquished. A day when our government did something right. (For those who don't think that ever happens)
Remember Remember the 15th of November. Turns out Mulder was right about the Truth.
-T
The answer would seem to be Yes. As the Feds have positive drug tests for Barry Bonds. They have the test!
It doesn't make any difference if he is convicted on Perjury and/or Obstruction of Justice charges. Even if he is exonerated of that, we still have the test and testimony that he did cheat.
Now, this doesn't really do much for me. I have eyes, so I can see whats true without having to be told. My hope, however, is that this will call out the Pro-Bonds crowd for what they are. Phonies. They pretend that they support him on some sort of Innocent-until-proven-guilty sort of level. The truth is they don't have the guts to fight for integrity. The support the cheaters.
I don't want to say its because they are liars or cheaters in their own personal lives...but....well...
Where are you now? Phonies. Where is the "He's never failed a test crowd?" mmm...hmm
I see a lot of people saying "This is a sad day for Baseball" It is NOT. This is a Glorious Day for Baseball. Its a day straight out of over-the-top, over-dramatic school for the touchy feely. A day that would make Jefferson Smith very proud. Its a day when Truth and Right prevailed and evil is vanquished. A day when our government did something right. (For those who don't think that ever happens)
Remember Remember the 15th of November. Turns out Mulder was right about the Truth.
-T
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Starting a New Job
I feel like I haven't worked in weeks. Its really only been a few days. But really, its been a long time since I had a LOT of work to do. Its not that we didn't do anything in New Jersey. We did. Its just that that job was nearing the end and all the heavy lifting was behind us. So we have been touching up, and cleaning up and troubleshooting for a while.
This job is right in the middle of the heavy stuff. Lots to do. Long hours. Also, this job is much much more complicated than the last one. So today was a much heavier day than I have had in a while.
Plus, getting used to the new city. Getting used to the new Hotel etc. So by the end of the looooonnngg hard day, I just came home and collapsed on the bed. Ahhhhhhhh.
You know what? It feels pretty good though. And here comes the fun part. I love coming home to my wife. I get home and she just makes it all go away.
Tomorrow....Day 2.
-T
This job is right in the middle of the heavy stuff. Lots to do. Long hours. Also, this job is much much more complicated than the last one. So today was a much heavier day than I have had in a while.
Plus, getting used to the new city. Getting used to the new Hotel etc. So by the end of the looooonnngg hard day, I just came home and collapsed on the bed. Ahhhhhhhh.
You know what? It feels pretty good though. And here comes the fun part. I love coming home to my wife. I get home and she just makes it all go away.
Tomorrow....Day 2.
-T
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
First Night in Baltimore
Here in Baltimore...really....I'm out near the airport. Not so much IN Baltimore. The Hotel is pretty nice. We have two rooms again finally. Which is nice. We have a TV that we can hook up the DVD player to. There's not as much space as the last place, but thats ok.
The best part, its about 10 degrees warmer here tonight than it is in New Jersey. I don't know what December is like in either New Jersey or Baltimore, But I am betting on it being a bit warmer.
So I just got settled in. I'll be heading off to work in the morning. Maybe...just maybe..I'll get to see some of the city this weekend.
-T
The best part, its about 10 degrees warmer here tonight than it is in New Jersey. I don't know what December is like in either New Jersey or Baltimore, But I am betting on it being a bit warmer.
So I just got settled in. I'll be heading off to work in the morning. Maybe...just maybe..I'll get to see some of the city this weekend.
-T
Monday, November 12, 2007
East Coast Kind of Guy?
Here on our last night living in New Jersey, I am thinking a little bit about how I feel about that. This is something I have thought about quite a bit. I am a person that tends to latch onto certain things or ideas and not let go. From little things, to seemingly more important things. I have been a Coke over Pepsi, McDonald's over Burger King, kind of guy. I'm a National League guy. A Shorts and Flip Flops kind of guy. I also have always thought I was an East Coast guy too.
Not really because I chose it. I did live sometime in Arizona as a kid, but it my parents hated it and it was always a matter of time before we moved "back east." I moved to California in 2003, and I still couldn't really shake the "I'm out here" feeling. The jobs I had took me more and more eastward. Salt Lake City, Austin, Boston, New Jersey and now to Baltimore. I have been up and Down the East Coast a lot in the last year. To Key West...Twice, to Charleston several times, to Boston and New York City many times. And I have come to a strange and very surprising conclusion.
....I don't really like it here....
More importantly....I like it "out there."
I miss the west. A lot. And I am stunned by this. I could talk for a week about what I miss about Los Angeles. I miss the Great Salt Lake and the Wasatch Mountains. I miss the Alamo. I miss Kingman Arizona. I miss how in the West you can see for 100 miles in all directions. I miss the Sunshine. I miss the rocky mountains in general and The Rocky Mountains in specific. Its beautiful out there.
To be fair. In my recent life here in the "Far East" I have discovered the pure joy and magic that is New York City. Wow, what an awesome place.
In the end, what I found is that I really could live anywhere. I could still choose to live in the East or the South. I'm pretty sure I won't live in too cold a place, but I could. The cool thing is that I have manage to remove this curious sort of umbilical cord that had kept me attached to the East Coast and has freed me up to live anywhere that Steph and I would like. And thats pretty exciting.
I put LA's chances at about 65% and New York's at about 30% and everywhere else at 5%.
We'll See.
-T
Not really because I chose it. I did live sometime in Arizona as a kid, but it my parents hated it and it was always a matter of time before we moved "back east." I moved to California in 2003, and I still couldn't really shake the "I'm out here" feeling. The jobs I had took me more and more eastward. Salt Lake City, Austin, Boston, New Jersey and now to Baltimore. I have been up and Down the East Coast a lot in the last year. To Key West...Twice, to Charleston several times, to Boston and New York City many times. And I have come to a strange and very surprising conclusion.
....I don't really like it here....
More importantly....I like it "out there."
I miss the west. A lot. And I am stunned by this. I could talk for a week about what I miss about Los Angeles. I miss the Great Salt Lake and the Wasatch Mountains. I miss the Alamo. I miss Kingman Arizona. I miss how in the West you can see for 100 miles in all directions. I miss the Sunshine. I miss the rocky mountains in general and The Rocky Mountains in specific. Its beautiful out there.
To be fair. In my recent life here in the "Far East" I have discovered the pure joy and magic that is New York City. Wow, what an awesome place.
In the end, what I found is that I really could live anywhere. I could still choose to live in the East or the South. I'm pretty sure I won't live in too cold a place, but I could. The cool thing is that I have manage to remove this curious sort of umbilical cord that had kept me attached to the East Coast and has freed me up to live anywhere that Steph and I would like. And thats pretty exciting.
I put LA's chances at about 65% and New York's at about 30% and everywhere else at 5%.
We'll See.
-T
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The Writers Strike
For a week now the Writers Guild of America has been on strike. It is, of course, pretty big news. The automatic question for America whenever any large group goes on strike is "How does this effect me?"
The answer for this one is the same with every other strike..."It depends." Depends on how much TV you watch and on how well prepared your favorite TV Show was.
For me, this is an interesting situation. As an aspiring filmmaker, media studier, and all around motion picture entertainment connoisseur, this strike is of particular interest and significance to me. It may be of more interest to me than to most people. Although, it may actually effect me less than it would most people. Generally, I don't watch that much new television. This year even less than usual. So when shows are going into reruns or being pushed into hiatus, it doesn't really make too much of a difference in my life. I do enjoy good television shows, but I don't do well trying to keep up during the year. So I often watch tv shows later. Sometimes on DVD in the Summer. Sometimes on On Demand through cable. Sometimes during the season on iTunes.
Which leads us to the point of this particular strike. It seems that the writers of all these programs aren't getting paid for their work being shown on these new media formats.
I don't care much for strikes. No kidding, right? But when they come up, I tend to think there is no excuse to not get these things fixed before it comes to that. In most cases, I don't know who is right or wrong, but get it fixed before we have to cancel the World Series or before I have to walk from Sherman Oaks to Hollywood.
In this case, however, I can really come down on the side of the strikers. Obviously as someone with an above average appreciation for the rights of artists, it makes sense. But even beyond that, this one seems a bit of a no-brainer.
The writers want to get paid when the material that they created gets played on the internet and on cellphones and other such new media outlets. The Networks/Studios are saying 2 things.
1. That its too early to tell just how much money they are making off these new outlets. So they won't pay the writers anything while they are waiting.
2. They also have said that most of the Internet distribution is a "form of promotion" for the show, essentially a commercial, and therefore they shouldn't have to pay the writers anything.
I don't know a lot about labor agreements, but I know BS when I smell it. There are a few simple truths in this world and here is one of them. You can't tell a story without a story. And that is becoming very very obvious to the bigwigs right about now.
-T
The answer for this one is the same with every other strike..."It depends." Depends on how much TV you watch and on how well prepared your favorite TV Show was.
For me, this is an interesting situation. As an aspiring filmmaker, media studier, and all around motion picture entertainment connoisseur, this strike is of particular interest and significance to me. It may be of more interest to me than to most people. Although, it may actually effect me less than it would most people. Generally, I don't watch that much new television. This year even less than usual. So when shows are going into reruns or being pushed into hiatus, it doesn't really make too much of a difference in my life. I do enjoy good television shows, but I don't do well trying to keep up during the year. So I often watch tv shows later. Sometimes on DVD in the Summer. Sometimes on On Demand through cable. Sometimes during the season on iTunes.
Which leads us to the point of this particular strike. It seems that the writers of all these programs aren't getting paid for their work being shown on these new media formats.
I don't care much for strikes. No kidding, right? But when they come up, I tend to think there is no excuse to not get these things fixed before it comes to that. In most cases, I don't know who is right or wrong, but get it fixed before we have to cancel the World Series or before I have to walk from Sherman Oaks to Hollywood.
In this case, however, I can really come down on the side of the strikers. Obviously as someone with an above average appreciation for the rights of artists, it makes sense. But even beyond that, this one seems a bit of a no-brainer.
The writers want to get paid when the material that they created gets played on the internet and on cellphones and other such new media outlets. The Networks/Studios are saying 2 things.
1. That its too early to tell just how much money they are making off these new outlets. So they won't pay the writers anything while they are waiting.
2. They also have said that most of the Internet distribution is a "form of promotion" for the show, essentially a commercial, and therefore they shouldn't have to pay the writers anything.
I don't know a lot about labor agreements, but I know BS when I smell it. There are a few simple truths in this world and here is one of them. You can't tell a story without a story. And that is becoming very very obvious to the bigwigs right about now.
-T
Saturday, November 10, 2007
More about Sports
We are losing to Florida by 20 points with 9 minutes to go. We just fumbled the ball and the game is certainly over. What should I care? 2 Years ago we beat Florida for the first time ever. Last year we lost by 1 point and Florida went on to win the National Championship. This year. In a year we were supposed to be even better, and in a year when we had been ranked as high as 6, we are getting clobbered.
Heres the thing though. I spent years and years hoping to beat Florida. Years and years knowing that this was one game on the schedule that we just couldn't touch them. So we have 2 good years against them and now I expect to win every year? I don't know.
I am upset about this. Mostly because we were doing so well and have lost now 4 straight games. And we look awful too. So its really just the repeated losing and the continued drop off thats killing me.
But what is really wrong? I don't want to hurt this much. It bothers me still. I know its wrong to be this upset about it. Its too much for me. And I have been rehabilitating myself for sometime now, and I am disappointed to find that it may not be working as well as I'd hoped. I still get mad. I still want to throw things. I still want to slam things down. It still bugs me.
One thing, is that I left a lot of this behind me. I had calmed down to a nice simple and respectable appreciation for Gamecock Football. But people had pointed to 2007 as a potentially big year for us. As the year got going, it started to look like it might be something really special. And I let my guard down. Its just like bringing and alcoholic to a wine tasting I guess, cuz I was off the wagon.
So now, in addition to the pain I feel from losing, I have the pain of feeling a little like a sucker. A sucker because I essentially consciously said "I will let my guard down this time because it looks like this will be worth it" and I am getting hosed. Hosed by my team and by those people who said it was going to happen.
In the end the question is this....just what is my problem anyway? The problem is that I spent most of my life using sports as a way of hiding from pain and fear. For 25 years or so I did this. So much so that its not easy to stop. Even here and now. Today. When my life is probably more happy, more healthy and more in order than it has ever been. And yet here I am again, struggling to deal with something that I should be able to deal with.
Maybe its a good sign....now that I think of it. If I am as happy as I have ever been right now, then maybe its ok that I'm upset. Maybe it means that not all of my Football obsession was based on hiding from pain. Maybe some of it was and is just genuine love of team. I suppose thats a decent enough thing.
Wow...I feel better.
...Weird.
-T
Heres the thing though. I spent years and years hoping to beat Florida. Years and years knowing that this was one game on the schedule that we just couldn't touch them. So we have 2 good years against them and now I expect to win every year? I don't know.
I am upset about this. Mostly because we were doing so well and have lost now 4 straight games. And we look awful too. So its really just the repeated losing and the continued drop off thats killing me.
But what is really wrong? I don't want to hurt this much. It bothers me still. I know its wrong to be this upset about it. Its too much for me. And I have been rehabilitating myself for sometime now, and I am disappointed to find that it may not be working as well as I'd hoped. I still get mad. I still want to throw things. I still want to slam things down. It still bugs me.
One thing, is that I left a lot of this behind me. I had calmed down to a nice simple and respectable appreciation for Gamecock Football. But people had pointed to 2007 as a potentially big year for us. As the year got going, it started to look like it might be something really special. And I let my guard down. Its just like bringing and alcoholic to a wine tasting I guess, cuz I was off the wagon.
So now, in addition to the pain I feel from losing, I have the pain of feeling a little like a sucker. A sucker because I essentially consciously said "I will let my guard down this time because it looks like this will be worth it" and I am getting hosed. Hosed by my team and by those people who said it was going to happen.
In the end the question is this....just what is my problem anyway? The problem is that I spent most of my life using sports as a way of hiding from pain and fear. For 25 years or so I did this. So much so that its not easy to stop. Even here and now. Today. When my life is probably more happy, more healthy and more in order than it has ever been. And yet here I am again, struggling to deal with something that I should be able to deal with.
Maybe its a good sign....now that I think of it. If I am as happy as I have ever been right now, then maybe its ok that I'm upset. Maybe it means that not all of my Football obsession was based on hiding from pain. Maybe some of it was and is just genuine love of team. I suppose thats a decent enough thing.
Wow...I feel better.
...Weird.
-T
Friday, November 09, 2007
A Day Like No Other
Here's a quick one about today. One of those days when you wake up and your life is one way and when you go to sleep things are very different.
I woke up this morning not knowing where my next work project would be. Not knowing for sure exactly what I wanted to pursue in life.
In the course of today, I decided that I'm going to make a plan for getting my PhD. I found out that my company is moving me to Maryland. And I was offered a chance to possibly shoot a music video for a friend's band. Also, one other thing that might happen but I'm not going to mention just yet. Don't want to jinx it.
Anyway. Just like that. A seemingly regular sort of day that might end up being one of the biggest of my life.
-T
I woke up this morning not knowing where my next work project would be. Not knowing for sure exactly what I wanted to pursue in life.
In the course of today, I decided that I'm going to make a plan for getting my PhD. I found out that my company is moving me to Maryland. And I was offered a chance to possibly shoot a music video for a friend's band. Also, one other thing that might happen but I'm not going to mention just yet. Don't want to jinx it.
Anyway. Just like that. A seemingly regular sort of day that might end up being one of the biggest of my life.
-T
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Message Board Culture
The internet is an amazing thing!! I can't put enough exclamation points on it to do it justice. There are so many facets to the internet and being online. I have been consistently online for almost 11 years now, and it has change my life in innumerable ways. Additionally, it has changed the world in incredible ways. And as with all new inventions and developments, there are strange and quirky phenomena that are unique to that invention.
One of those things is the internet message board and the resulting message board culture. I won't begin to get into the history and beginnings of the internet message board. Mostly because I don't know its history and am not really interested in researching it. I am vaguely aware of some sort of computer bulletin boards when I was younger, but whatever.
I go to a few different message boards. The main reason...or the one I would like you to believe...is for news. There are people online who have little to do in life and so they spend their time scavenging for news that relates to their interests. Then they try to one up each other by being the first to post it. I like to take advantage of that to get the news.
So in my years of "observing" the posters in their natural environment i have noticed a few things. First, everything that happens in the world is RIDICULOUS. It doesn't really matter what the theme of the board is, or what side of the topic they are on. They are pretty darned mad about it. A person with less internet experience might be fooled into thinking that these people are very unhappy in their personal lives and have no other means of relieving themselves.
Another thing that Stephanie and I both have noticed is that after awhile, they begin to divide themselves into distinct groups. Stephanie pointed out to me recently that this occurs on Celebrity Baby Blog. As I understand it, there is a big divide between the fans of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and those of Suri Cruise. In fact they even refer to themselves as Team Shiloh and Team Suri. (actually, the moderators at that site have since made them stop doing that.)
This seems to occur everywhere, but I like the Baby Bloggers organization the best. On the Star Wars board we have Team Prequels and Team Originals. On the Gamecock Messageboard its about Quarterback...Team Mitchell and Team Smelley. But the newest one to develop is on the Sopranos messageboard. Where the discussion is all about the ambiguous season finale, and whether Tony lives or dies. That argument is amongst the self named Lifers and Deadheads.
The truth is...its all a big freaking distraction from real life, and a cheap means of feeling smart or important. In all of these cases, it is based on deconstruction of whatever it is they are talking about. And it is just that. Deconstruction. It doesn't build anything. Which means its worthless.
-T
One of those things is the internet message board and the resulting message board culture. I won't begin to get into the history and beginnings of the internet message board. Mostly because I don't know its history and am not really interested in researching it. I am vaguely aware of some sort of computer bulletin boards when I was younger, but whatever.
I go to a few different message boards. The main reason...or the one I would like you to believe...is for news. There are people online who have little to do in life and so they spend their time scavenging for news that relates to their interests. Then they try to one up each other by being the first to post it. I like to take advantage of that to get the news.
So in my years of "observing" the posters in their natural environment i have noticed a few things. First, everything that happens in the world is RIDICULOUS. It doesn't really matter what the theme of the board is, or what side of the topic they are on. They are pretty darned mad about it. A person with less internet experience might be fooled into thinking that these people are very unhappy in their personal lives and have no other means of relieving themselves.
Another thing that Stephanie and I both have noticed is that after awhile, they begin to divide themselves into distinct groups. Stephanie pointed out to me recently that this occurs on Celebrity Baby Blog. As I understand it, there is a big divide between the fans of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and those of Suri Cruise. In fact they even refer to themselves as Team Shiloh and Team Suri. (actually, the moderators at that site have since made them stop doing that.)
This seems to occur everywhere, but I like the Baby Bloggers organization the best. On the Star Wars board we have Team Prequels and Team Originals. On the Gamecock Messageboard its about Quarterback...Team Mitchell and Team Smelley. But the newest one to develop is on the Sopranos messageboard. Where the discussion is all about the ambiguous season finale, and whether Tony lives or dies. That argument is amongst the self named Lifers and Deadheads.
The truth is...its all a big freaking distraction from real life, and a cheap means of feeling smart or important. In all of these cases, it is based on deconstruction of whatever it is they are talking about. And it is just that. Deconstruction. It doesn't build anything. Which means its worthless.
-T
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
I just had a Genius Idea!
As we know, the Writers strike in Hollywood has been a big topic lately. The networks are frantic trying to figure out what to do. How will they make ends meet? How will they fill out their weekly lineups?
The thing they have going for them now, that they didn't have the last time there was a strike is Reality TV. Reality TV does NOT (and this should be pretty obvious to all) use writers. So they will not be affected by the strike. So the networks may want to create even more Reality based shows to fill in for the others.
Thats where my idea comes in. I have created a few new Reality competitions that will help the Networks in two ways.
1. So you Think You can Write for Television
2. America's Next Top Television Writer
3. Who Wants to be a Television Writer
and my favorite one...
Television Writing with the Stars
where 10 Writing Professors from Prestigious Film Schools team up with 10 Superstar Actors and Talk Show hosts and attempt to teach them to write their own material.
C'mon Networks, this could work. At the very least, this post could make a decent monologue joke. I'm available.
-Tom
The thing they have going for them now, that they didn't have the last time there was a strike is Reality TV. Reality TV does NOT (and this should be pretty obvious to all) use writers. So they will not be affected by the strike. So the networks may want to create even more Reality based shows to fill in for the others.
Thats where my idea comes in. I have created a few new Reality competitions that will help the Networks in two ways.
1. So you Think You can Write for Television
2. America's Next Top Television Writer
3. Who Wants to be a Television Writer
and my favorite one...
Television Writing with the Stars
where 10 Writing Professors from Prestigious Film Schools team up with 10 Superstar Actors and Talk Show hosts and attempt to teach them to write their own material.
C'mon Networks, this could work. At the very least, this post could make a decent monologue joke. I'm available.
-Tom
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The Complete Series
I have a new obsession of late. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it is something that I won't be able to take advantage of.
We are apparently living a Golden Age of "The Complete Series" Dvds for television shows. I want all of them. I don't really know what it is. I feel some kind of Power from owning an entire television series from Start to Finish. Especially because they come in these really clever packages. I admit, I am a sucker for cool packaging. I'm also a sucker for the idea of a "complete collection."
I found out today that an X-Files complete series set came out today. Now, here is a show that I know is pretty good. In all, I have seen around 15 episodes total. To be honest, I don't know when the last time I even thought about that show was. However, now, its all I want.
In addition to that, the entire series of King of Queens, Seinfeld and Full House came out today. Seinfeld comes in a Box Shaped like a big refrigerator. (though that may be a Best Buy exclusive.) King of Queens in box shaped like an IPS delivery truck. Full House comes in a House Shaped Box, much the same as the House Shaped Box that the Everybody Loves Raymond Complete Series set came in a couple of weeks ago. Golden Age Indeed.
What really got me pumped up was the Six Feet Under set that came out last year. Very cool. It comes in a grave-like package with fuzzy grass on top. That did it for me. I immediately realized that a Complete Sopranos Set must be in the works. I then sold all my existing single season sets of Sopranos. (I got a very good return on them to considering it was right before the final season aired.) So I am patiently waiting for it, and waiting to see what it looks like.
Stephanie bought the complete Friends set earlier this year, and it has been awesome, and well worth the cost. Which leads me to the problem. I really don't have a lot of room in the budget for 100 and 200+ dollar DVD sets. It has honestly worked out really well with Friends, because we have gotten a great deal of viewings out of it. All things considered, these sets are certainly worth the money in theory. However, they aren't exactly worth it in practice. Not for me right now at least.
So for now, its just a lot of me looking, dreaming and lusting for the Power that comes with owning every single episode of the Andy Griffith Show.
-Tom
We are apparently living a Golden Age of "The Complete Series" Dvds for television shows. I want all of them. I don't really know what it is. I feel some kind of Power from owning an entire television series from Start to Finish. Especially because they come in these really clever packages. I admit, I am a sucker for cool packaging. I'm also a sucker for the idea of a "complete collection."
I found out today that an X-Files complete series set came out today. Now, here is a show that I know is pretty good. In all, I have seen around 15 episodes total. To be honest, I don't know when the last time I even thought about that show was. However, now, its all I want.
In addition to that, the entire series of King of Queens, Seinfeld and Full House came out today. Seinfeld comes in a Box Shaped like a big refrigerator. (though that may be a Best Buy exclusive.) King of Queens in box shaped like an IPS delivery truck. Full House comes in a House Shaped Box, much the same as the House Shaped Box that the Everybody Loves Raymond Complete Series set came in a couple of weeks ago. Golden Age Indeed.
What really got me pumped up was the Six Feet Under set that came out last year. Very cool. It comes in a grave-like package with fuzzy grass on top. That did it for me. I immediately realized that a Complete Sopranos Set must be in the works. I then sold all my existing single season sets of Sopranos. (I got a very good return on them to considering it was right before the final season aired.) So I am patiently waiting for it, and waiting to see what it looks like.
Stephanie bought the complete Friends set earlier this year, and it has been awesome, and well worth the cost. Which leads me to the problem. I really don't have a lot of room in the budget for 100 and 200+ dollar DVD sets. It has honestly worked out really well with Friends, because we have gotten a great deal of viewings out of it. All things considered, these sets are certainly worth the money in theory. However, they aren't exactly worth it in practice. Not for me right now at least.
So for now, its just a lot of me looking, dreaming and lusting for the Power that comes with owning every single episode of the Andy Griffith Show.
-Tom
Monday, November 05, 2007
Tom Andrews and the Quest for Truth
In a world where things are not always as they seem. In a land where people aren't always who they say they are. Comes a man on quest to discover secrets of himself and the truth about his life. I have in the last year come to the conclusion that I am not always who I thought I was. And that truthfully I don't know how I feel about a lot of things.
I will be using this blog over the next weeks to work out some truths about myself. Most specifically, how I feel about certain things, what I like, and what I belive.
Tonight's question is a big one. Sports.
I am a Sports guy, and I have been for as long as I can remember. In college, I was one of "those guys" who painted his face, drank a lot and yelled and screamed at every football game. Its true. Looking back at that guy. I'm not quite sure who that was. I'm not embarrassed at all. But I wonder if I did that because I really wanted to, or if there was something more.
In college I suffered with some issues. Specifically depression, confidence and identity. In fact I have spent a lifetime struggling with identity. I'd like to look back and chuckle at my face painting days, but there is something about it that seems fishy. A little too comfortable with the knowledge that people knew me as a guy that painted his face. A little too concerned with what people thought about me and if they were looking my way. A little too conscious of how it made me feel about myself. And a little too quick to accept football as the most important thing in my life to the detriment of everything else.
Now, I don't act that way anymore. And here is the question. Was I unhealthy before and have become more healthy? Or was I fine before and have simply evolved and changed, grown and matured? I'm not yet sure.
I'm not saying that there was anything wrong before. I'm not ashamed. But I have questions about myself and that requires a closer look.
This is just one small area of the Sports World According to Tom that needs exploration. One Step at a Time.
Peace...
-T
I will be using this blog over the next weeks to work out some truths about myself. Most specifically, how I feel about certain things, what I like, and what I belive.
Tonight's question is a big one. Sports.
I am a Sports guy, and I have been for as long as I can remember. In college, I was one of "those guys" who painted his face, drank a lot and yelled and screamed at every football game. Its true. Looking back at that guy. I'm not quite sure who that was. I'm not embarrassed at all. But I wonder if I did that because I really wanted to, or if there was something more.
In college I suffered with some issues. Specifically depression, confidence and identity. In fact I have spent a lifetime struggling with identity. I'd like to look back and chuckle at my face painting days, but there is something about it that seems fishy. A little too comfortable with the knowledge that people knew me as a guy that painted his face. A little too concerned with what people thought about me and if they were looking my way. A little too conscious of how it made me feel about myself. And a little too quick to accept football as the most important thing in my life to the detriment of everything else.
Now, I don't act that way anymore. And here is the question. Was I unhealthy before and have become more healthy? Or was I fine before and have simply evolved and changed, grown and matured? I'm not yet sure.
I'm not saying that there was anything wrong before. I'm not ashamed. But I have questions about myself and that requires a closer look.
This is just one small area of the Sports World According to Tom that needs exploration. One Step at a Time.
Peace...
-T
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Packing it up again
In the last couple of years, Steph and I have moved quite a bit. From Columbia, SC to Los Angeles, to Salt Lake City, to Austin to Boston and then to New Jersey. "What a long strange trip its been." Now we are preparing to move again. This time, we really aren't sure where just yet.
Its narrowed down to a couple of scenarios, and we will be finding out pretty soon. We are getting everything ready now so that we will be ready to go on short notice. We are doing a lot better at managing our stuff I have found this time. Having a car that can carry more has been a plus.
Adding to that comes this....Stephanie's brilliant idea for space saving. We purchased some of these vacuum bags for clothes storage. I would say I was skeptical. That might be an overstatement. I was taking a wait and see attitude as far as how well this would work. I must say, early results are in and they are all positive.
We essentially reduced the space taken by a large amount of clothes by 50 percent. All I can say is Whoa! We have 2 large suitcases and about 4 other small suitcases and it actually looks as if we might get all of our clothes into the two big ones. Technology is grand.
We should be able to get our stuff to a very manageable 2 Explorers worth of stuff. We have only 1 Explorer of course, but at least we know 2 trips would be the absolute max.
Anyway, we will be in a holding pattern for a bit. But if we can get one more long term assignment, I think we will be able to finally work toward the big settle down. We'll see.
-Tom
Its narrowed down to a couple of scenarios, and we will be finding out pretty soon. We are getting everything ready now so that we will be ready to go on short notice. We are doing a lot better at managing our stuff I have found this time. Having a car that can carry more has been a plus.
Adding to that comes this....Stephanie's brilliant idea for space saving. We purchased some of these vacuum bags for clothes storage. I would say I was skeptical. That might be an overstatement. I was taking a wait and see attitude as far as how well this would work. I must say, early results are in and they are all positive.
We essentially reduced the space taken by a large amount of clothes by 50 percent. All I can say is Whoa! We have 2 large suitcases and about 4 other small suitcases and it actually looks as if we might get all of our clothes into the two big ones. Technology is grand.
We should be able to get our stuff to a very manageable 2 Explorers worth of stuff. We have only 1 Explorer of course, but at least we know 2 trips would be the absolute max.
Anyway, we will be in a holding pattern for a bit. But if we can get one more long term assignment, I think we will be able to finally work toward the big settle down. We'll see.
-Tom
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Busted my Head
A weird thing happened to me today. I busted my head falling out of the shower. Seriously. I have been out of shape for a while now, and I'm really ready to get back into shape. So I was actually exercising today, which was nice. Steph and I were going to go out, so I jumped up really fast to take a quick shower. I hopped in the shower and turned on the hot water. But really quickly I got light headed and felt a little dizzy. So I leaned forward in the shower and rested my head against the front wall of the shower. I was catching my breath. The next thing I know, I was dreaming that I was walking down the hall at the public storage where we have put some of our stuff. Then I here Stephanie yelling "are you alright?" Then I realized my face was on the floor.
I snapped to, pretty quickly but was pretty freaked out. I had passed out in the shower. Very strange. I remember thinking, man I'm out of shape, I can't believe I'm so winded. Then....Whap! I was on the floor.
I worried for a minute that it could be something serious. I've been thinking about it all day, and I'm pretty sure its not. I know what its like to be winded and to be out of shape. Its not an unfamiliar feeling. I have been an athlete for most of my life. I have been in and out of shape from time to time and I know how it feels to push myself hard and to feel like that. I have never been this out of shape though, and this is the extreme of what happens.
Thats the end of that. This is a wake up call for sure. I'm tired of being tired. Tired of being out of breath. Tired of feeling like a fatso. So starting tomorrow, its no more cheese and eggs every morning and no more NOT exercising.
Its time to go back about 15 years. 6'2' 195. Lean and Strong. 200 lbs by Christmas. Mark it Down!
-T
I snapped to, pretty quickly but was pretty freaked out. I had passed out in the shower. Very strange. I remember thinking, man I'm out of shape, I can't believe I'm so winded. Then....Whap! I was on the floor.
I worried for a minute that it could be something serious. I've been thinking about it all day, and I'm pretty sure its not. I know what its like to be winded and to be out of shape. Its not an unfamiliar feeling. I have been an athlete for most of my life. I have been in and out of shape from time to time and I know how it feels to push myself hard and to feel like that. I have never been this out of shape though, and this is the extreme of what happens.
Thats the end of that. This is a wake up call for sure. I'm tired of being tired. Tired of being out of breath. Tired of feeling like a fatso. So starting tomorrow, its no more cheese and eggs every morning and no more NOT exercising.
Its time to go back about 15 years. 6'2' 195. Lean and Strong. 200 lbs by Christmas. Mark it Down!
-T
Friday, November 02, 2007
American Gangster
So while I am continuing to knock the dust off of my blog, I will stay in the shallow end. So a movie review.
So Stephanie and I saw American Gangster today. This is a movie I have been wanting to see for a while. Mostly because of Denzel Washington. He's about as powerful an actor as there is, and I'm a big fan. Secondly, I like movies with 2 strong characters on opposing sides. Heat comes to mind historically, and more recently 3:10 to Yuma. And speaking of Russell Crowe, here is a guy making a big come back for me. LA Confidential, The Insider, Gladiator. Loved him, but after that, he just seemed to disappear. But, I'm ready to love him again.
Simply put, this is a very good movie. Unlike the other movies I mentioned, these two characters don't really meet until the end. Not just that they don't meet, but don't know about each other. Washington is the criminal, but doesn't know he is being chased until he is caught. Crowe is the cop who is chasing someone, but doesn't know who it is until nearly the end of the chase. On the surface, this might not be good. We don't get the Cat and Mouse aspect of Dinero and Pacino in Heat. We don't get the Battle of Wills of Crowe and Bale in 3:10. So what does that leave us with? It leaves us with 2 separate movies on a collision course with one another.
I'm not sure if thats good or not, and maybe thats what keeps this movie from being Great. Everything around that however is superb. The drugs, the violence, the action, its awesome. Flying to Vietnam. The undercover cops, corruption. Its all so complex and sophisticated. Its an incredibly textured film and it has some tragedy on a few different levels.
I want this to be a really Great movie and it just doesn't quite go the distance for me. It lacks a certain thing. I don't quite know what to say. The difference between a Hall of Famer and one of the best ever. Some movies just go that extra mile, they add that extra unexpected layer or quality. This one is amazing, but never quite gets to that top level.
Its an A though.
Tom's rating 84
So Stephanie and I saw American Gangster today. This is a movie I have been wanting to see for a while. Mostly because of Denzel Washington. He's about as powerful an actor as there is, and I'm a big fan. Secondly, I like movies with 2 strong characters on opposing sides. Heat comes to mind historically, and more recently 3:10 to Yuma. And speaking of Russell Crowe, here is a guy making a big come back for me. LA Confidential, The Insider, Gladiator. Loved him, but after that, he just seemed to disappear. But, I'm ready to love him again.
Simply put, this is a very good movie. Unlike the other movies I mentioned, these two characters don't really meet until the end. Not just that they don't meet, but don't know about each other. Washington is the criminal, but doesn't know he is being chased until he is caught. Crowe is the cop who is chasing someone, but doesn't know who it is until nearly the end of the chase. On the surface, this might not be good. We don't get the Cat and Mouse aspect of Dinero and Pacino in Heat. We don't get the Battle of Wills of Crowe and Bale in 3:10. So what does that leave us with? It leaves us with 2 separate movies on a collision course with one another.
I'm not sure if thats good or not, and maybe thats what keeps this movie from being Great. Everything around that however is superb. The drugs, the violence, the action, its awesome. Flying to Vietnam. The undercover cops, corruption. Its all so complex and sophisticated. Its an incredibly textured film and it has some tragedy on a few different levels.
I want this to be a really Great movie and it just doesn't quite go the distance for me. It lacks a certain thing. I don't quite know what to say. The difference between a Hall of Famer and one of the best ever. Some movies just go that extra mile, they add that extra unexpected layer or quality. This one is amazing, but never quite gets to that top level.
Its an A though.
Tom's rating 84
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Dusting off the Blog.....
Ok, its time to start writing again. I found out about NaBloPoMo from Steph So I decided to get on it again. I haven't been blogging in what has clearly been a long time.
Most days I spend a lot of time wrestling with thoughts in my head. A million different things swirling around. I have thought getting back to blogging would help me to keep them all straight, but I haven't made the time to get started again. Sometimes, I just need a little push. So the challenge to write a blog once a day for a whole month seems like a good enough challenge.
So here we go.
-T
Most days I spend a lot of time wrestling with thoughts in my head. A million different things swirling around. I have thought getting back to blogging would help me to keep them all straight, but I haven't made the time to get started again. Sometimes, I just need a little push. So the challenge to write a blog once a day for a whole month seems like a good enough challenge.
So here we go.
-T
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