Once again, I find myself searching for my former self. More accurately I'm looking for the place where my true personality intersects with everything I have learned about myself recently. The truth is, I feel that I have lost a lot of ME recently. What's worse is, if asked, I don't know that I could fully describe what ME is.
I would describe my former life as everything up to the point at which I moved to California. Since that time I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned about my family, my childhood, my hopes, my fears, and many of my issues. I have looked back on my former self with these new understandings and it really blew the lid off of some things for me. Most specifically, I found that a lot of my attitudes and activities were really just obsessive distractions compensating for some a lot of fear and insecurity.
As I realized more and more that this was the case, I worked to drop more and more of these pretenses from my life. The negative result has been that I lost most of my TRUE personality and am now a very generic and bland version of my former self.
Frankly, I am very boring and depressing and I want my SELF back. The good things about me, the fun things, the passionate things, are the things I want back. I used to have energy, thats what I want back. I'm coming to get it.
These Mother------s don't know how to act....
Yeah!
-Tom
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