Resolutions and Real Change

It is almost New Year's Eve once again, and once again we hear that word "resolutions" mentioned quite often. What does it mean? It is a tradition of the holidays, part of our standard operating procedure. Generally it is somewhat of a joke. People ask jokingly "what are your New Year's Resolutions?" People respond with a joke of some sort, "I won't make it a week without...." Smoking, Picking my Nose, Cussing, Eating something I shouldn't etc. etc.

I don't remember the first time I heard this. I believe I heard about resolutions right about the same time I heard about Times Square or Fireworks. So as far as I can tell this Tongue and Cheek "tradition" has always been there.

Then there is this question. Would any of us do this if we haven't always heard about it? The answer is...Yes, of course we would. It is in our nature. Just as we do at our birthdays or, for younger people, at the beginnings of new school years, we take the beginning of a new year as an opportunity to right things that we don't feel good about. Sometimes we require the feeling of a "clean slate" to make us feel like change is possible. What the kiddies call a "do over." We often have a tough time making real changes that matter and things like the celebration of the beginning of the new year can really be that chance that someone is looking for. Unfortunately, real change is lost in all the silliness surrounding New Year's Resolutions.

I will use this year to change. I am not making any resolution to speak of. I am becoming a different person. I have, for 18 months now, been on a tremendous emotional journey and I am not the man I once was. 18 months ago, I was scarcely a man at all. I will be different in 2008 because I have not the ability to go back to what I once was anyway. But I will use the turn to the New Year as a way to motivate myself to make real practical use of my new self.

In 2008 I will love myself. I will treat myself as if it is my sole God-appointed task to take care of me and help me to succeed. I will not listen to discouragement disguised as advice, given to me by people whom I do not respect. I will not let them hurt me simply because they are trying to protect themselves. I will respect my education and my talents and I will use them in the pursuit of art and of a satisfying life. I will not listen to those who try to tell me that it is not right. I will love my wife, the only person who has ever said they loved me who has truly, honestly, selflessly and devotedly loved me. I will love her every moment of every day and I will love her selflessly, how she wants and needs to be loved, not how I want to. I will listen to truth. I will listen to what I know is right. I will not listen to years and years of programmed nonsense disguised as values. Work ethic and love of family are coded messages meaning don't risk, don't try and don't get hurt. In 2008 I will be in action. I will go forward not back. I will seek and not hide. I will find new friends that think the way I do, and who have goals and dreams, not hobbies and fantasies. I will pray and bring my inner self to peace for the first time in 32 years.

But most of all, I will respect myself.

-Tom