Toilet Seats: Politeness or Secret Key to Women's Domination of the World?

I am a generally polite person. I do believe in the yes sir/yes ma'am theory of talking to people when you are a kid. I believe in please and thank you as well. Somewhere along the line, however, I missed the part where putting the toilet seat down was polite and appropriate. I did not miss the part where I was taught to put the seat up so as not to pee on the seat. I learned this very easily and I understand why its a good idea. In turn, I have not peed with the seat down, in about 25 years.

I'm sorry. I don't know how it happened. But the problem that arose was that no one ever did a good job explaining this theory to me. Oh, its not that I never got anyone explaining it to me. Just not doing a good job.

Let me first explain a little something about men and peeing. In case you don't know. This is a very very easy thing for us to do. It requires the bare minimum of energy. And some times we do need the seat down when we use the bathroom. And the energy that it takes to engage in toilet seat management is not even measurable it is so small.

So I have spent all of my adult life and almost all of my kid life living under these circumstances. So I must say, I get a little offended when people accuse me of being insensitive, stupid, obnoxious, or a slob because I forgot to put the seat down.

First off, I didn't forget, because it was not my intention to put it down. Now I sound like a jerk don't I? Ok I'm sorry. I don't want to be a jerk. And I'm sorry that I didn't put it down. I didn't forget, I'm just not in the habit of doing it.

Should I be? This of course is the question. Let me first say, that the answer to this question is yes. But I want it to be because its right, and because I think its right. Not because I'm bossed or bullied into it.

Maybe its my fault. Maybe I'm irritated at a bunch of people for no good reason. Maybe I live in a world where I'm the only one who feels this way. But I feel like most of my life women have been telling me that I'm a jerk for not putting the seat down. And yet, at no point that I can remember, have any of these women ever stopped to say why. No no...more than that. At no point that I can remember have any of these women ever said anything to me about the toilet seat without it being specifically to embarrass me or put me down or assert some sort of symbolic dominance. Now this might just makes me look like I'm nuts. But its true.

I should be in the habit of putting the toilet seat down. Yes, its true. But why? Because it is polite, sanitary and generally more classy. And that is something I can get behind. But women are lousy explainers. Or men are lousy understanders. I am of course willing to say that both of these things are true. Women are not willing to say anything but men don't listen, don't understand or just don't care. Or at least most women I have known aren't willing to. They do seem to be willing to say that I am a pig. That I am a jerk. That toilets seats are nasty and they are too delicate to be asked to touch them. Or that if they go to the bathroom at night, they might fall in.

That has pretty much been my entire experience with the toilet seat issue. So I'm sorry if it is difficult for me to put these experiences behind me. The fact is that toilet seat management is so incredibly insignificant in a man's life that it is difficult for us to accept the level ire that women seem to put out toward us. I am willing to listen, if they are willing to tell me. And not treat my like a jerk. If I am to understand that seat management really is a bigger deal to women, than I would ask that women be willing to explain it to me as though it was ok that I have not understood it to this point. But I am treated as though I'm a jerk, and a sexist for not getting it.

There is no room for me in this world apparently. At this point, it seems that I have only 2 choices in this matter. 1 is to accept putting the toilet seat down because I have been insulted, embarrassed and bullied into doing so. Or 2, to be an unapologetic a-hole and tell women to kiss off and I'll do what I want.

I'm lucky that I have Stephanie. It was Stephanie who said, that its a good thing to do simply for the politeness factor. It was also Stephanie that helped me to understand that for women, it really is an issue that matters and for a few different reasons.

So I will develope a third choice. I will accept that its the right thing to do fundamentally, and I will rationalize to myself that I am doing it because its the right thing to do. And I will endure my belief that women will be looking at me with a satisfactory "we broke another one" grin on their faces. And I will take on faith that they are not, in fact, thinking that. But in my experience, that is what I have been lead to believe.

-T