Almost 30

I realized today, that July is almost over. That means August will be next. And that means my Birthday. And that means I will be 30 years old. I knew all year of course that I would be turning 30. People have asked me if I feel old and if that bothers me. I have said "no, not at all" and I meant it. But I thought about it a little today and I got a little scared.

2005 has been a big year for me so far. I have dedicated myself to self-improvement. And I feel like I have made a lot of progress. I decided to look back at my 20s as a decade of searching; feeling out, making mistakes, and seeing just what kind of person I was. At the beginning of this year, I decided that since I would turn 30, that I needed to shape up. I had gathered enough information about myself over the last 10 years and that it was time to put it all together and become something. And I have done quite a bit to that end.

However, I have used my birthday goal as an excuse as well. There have been things this year that I have wanted to improve on but have excused myself from doing so by saying that its not August yet so its ok. Eating too much fast food and not exercising would fit that bill. It was stupid to do that anyway, but now I can see my no excuses date coming quickly.

When I was a kid I played football in the fall. And I had to be in good shape when I played. Yet every summer I goofed off and didn't exercise, knowing that the day was coming that I would be running sprints and working hard in practice. I always said I'd work out in the summer so that I could make those first few weeks easier but I never did. This is like that, because I really needed to be in practice of being a better person when the day comes to lose all excuses. This situation is worse than football though because I knew someone would make me do it. All I had to do was tell my dad to sign me up, and I knew that someone would make me do what I was capable of doing on my own.

Probably everyone has had situations like this in there life. Somehow I managed to never learn what it takes to make myself do what I need to do, especially when it seems hard. And strangely though even when I really want to do it. I don't know how to make myself get up and do it. I'm paralyzed sometimes it would seem.

I have so much I want to accomplish and I am not short on drive or determination. But I am stuck in that "I'll do it tomorrow" mentality that I just can't seem to shake.

Nevertheless, the day is coming. No more excuses after that I guess. I just hope I'm strong enough to be both coach and player.

-T